So I am sitting here at work. Thinking about the things I should have done.
This is a new job for me. Better pay. Really professional and not shitty. That's what I thought.
Cause now I am sitting here, feeling like I made a big mistake and that if only I could turn back the time, I would stay at my old job and maybe work two jobs or something. I do miss my old coworkers and it's so hard for me tell them that I miss them and I wish my manager would call me and say "come back here and work for us" I really do because I feel like everyone is gonna laugh at me and that's what everyone does. They leave, then come back. I really talked a lot of shit when I was working there cause I felt that a lot of the things that went on are so unfair. But I actually miss them.
I miss them because I felt really close to everyone. I felt
like I knew what I was doing and part of the team. Now I feel alone and feels like I have to learn everything from scratch and I feel depressed. Right now, this is the truth and it hurts.

The biggest mistake I tend to repeat over and over again, is trying to please those around me.
When I do that, I forget who I am and I become somebody else I think they want me to be.
Why? Why do we as people go through such measures to convince ourselves that we can be someone we are not in able to please other people.
I'm sitting here, sometimes realizing I need to reach out to my friends that I've lost.
My judgment is so clouded sometimes that I feel the need to change myself because I feel maybe I am the reason why we are not working out.
I think about the days where everything was perfect the way it is and nothing could ever change it, not even the future.
The thought hurts me because although I've grown and I'm beginning to build my life as an adult independently, I cannot help but look back to the days where everything was so simple and all my life's problems were solved not by my friends or me, but WITH my friends.
We shared so much love and happiness. Our love for each other was so organic.
I long for that day again.
Nowadays, I could hardly get a day that I could spend with them because here we are, we all got off in different train stops.
Sometimes, I feel like I am still sitting in that train waiting for them to get on it or hoping that when I get off they would be there.
We're only 23 for Pete's sakes, and our lives have become so complicated sometimes it's hard to untangle our personal life from our hang out time.
Each one of us grew up as unique individuals and we lead different lives.
I just really wish just for one day, I could be in that moment again where everything was simple and all we did was laugh at the stupidest things, cry at the stupidest things and just stupid retarded happenings. But that's not what the point is!!!!! The point is, we were together.